mountainmuddah's Blog

Boy, it's been a long time since I blogged!!  Tonight I feel like I must.....

I have an angel for a husband.   Laugh if you will.  He came into my life during a time I never needed an angel more.  I worked in a bowling "recreation" center.   I went to work at 10:00 in the morning and didn't leave until the last cocktail waitress was safely out of the parking lot - about 3:00 in the morning.  I had just lost my life....A "husband" of 14 years and more importantly, 3 beautiful kids.  I'd fallen in love with rum and coke.  It greeted me at 10:00 in the morning and kissed me goodnight about 3 a.m. the next day.  It was my life.

There was a guy who ran the pro shop.  He was 25...I thought he was 19....I was 30.....And I was totally IN LOVE.  He told me I was too young to ruin my life....I believed him.

It was nothing he did....It's just that HE WAS....He was there for me when I felt no one else cared.  And he's been there for me ever since.   I love him so much it hurts.  Somehow, he doesn't seem to know this.

We've been married now for 14, almost 15 years.  He is still the love of my life.  He does everything for me.  It's embarrassing how he's spoiled me.  And still, he doubts my love for him.

My ex emails me from time to time with questions about our life.  Yes, we did have a life for 14 years.  Very memorable times....Some eventful moments.  But, my love for him was killed BY him.  I loved him, but I could never have a life with him again.

Somehow, my sweet, precious husband doesn't believe this.  Somehow, he thinks that because my "ex" questions me about past experiences and I answer, something is going on.  How can I make him believe this is not the case?  How can I make him believe that he is my one and only love?

There have been times when he has not been truthful to me.  Sometimes I think he is not truthful with me now.  I don't care.  My love for him exceeds all the doubts.  I've accepted him for who he is.  Why can't he do the same for me?

 

International Ladies Garment Workers Union anthem

Words by Paula Green

Music by Malcolm Dodds



Look for the union label

When you are buying a coat, dress or blouse.

Remember somewhere our union's sewing

our wages going to feed the kids and run the house,

We work hard but who's complaining.

Thanks to the I.L.G. we're paying our way.

So, always look for the union label,

it says we're able

to make it in the U.S.A.

WHERE ARE THEY TODAY??

I am a BIG fan of a blogger named Raymond Pert.  It seems that each of his entries draws you in and makes you feel like you are "there" with him.  There aren't many people with that writing ability, and I guess that's why I enjoy reading him so much.  Today he wrote about being an introvert..."Anything Wrong with that?"  Well no, there's NOTHING wrong with that!  Because I identified with it to the Nth degree!!  All my life, people I have been fortunate enough to get to know well, never fail to tell me, "When I first met you, I thought you were SO STUCK UP!  Like you thought you were better than everyone".   OH, if only they knew that just the OPPOSITE is true!  For him to state that he's struggled with similar problems gives me such relief (sorry RP), and I'll tell you why.

I was a friend of RP's little sister, C, in school.  I pretty much didn't know he existed until we got into high school.  RP was considered by my group of friends to be one of the "elite, cool dudes" when I was in school.  He was all-American, academic and he played basketball.  I was so intimidated by him, I was afraid to even SPEAK when he was around.  He went with a girl who was THE BEST soprano in the school.  She had a BEAUTIFUL voice.  He was a person you only hoped that one day would acknowledge you in the hallway between classes.  Problem was, if he didn't acknowledge YOU, how could you strike up any kind of conversation with him?  Plus, I had a double whammy...I figured he only knew me as one of his "little sister's friends".  How un-cool was THAT?  As a result, he was always somewhat "off limits" to me. 

Through reading the blog of my 1st husband and enjoying RP's sisters' blogs, I discovered his.   And through reading his blog, I realized what a down-to-earth, cool person RP actually is!  He is insightful, intelligent and a great photographer to boot!  The best thing I realized was that for as high a pedestal I'd put him on all his life, he felt and thought a lot the same way I do!  So thank you, RP, for bearing your soul in a blog.  I've replaced that transparent, evidential pedestal I put you on with one made of real substance.  You really are a very "cool guy".  So, if you're feeling down and full of self doubt, please remind yourself that one of your "little sister's" friends is a grateful admirer and a true fan of your blogs.  I can't wait to read your first book! 

 

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My brother just returned from a week's vacation visiting his sons.  His intention upon leaving was to try and re-establish contact with the boys who left his life at about the ages of 7 and 4 or 5, which was when he was divorced from their mother.  For several reasons, he was unable to keep regular contact with them, but he's always loved them desperately and did what he thought was best for the boys.

He decided to visit over the 4th of July, which if nothing else, would be an excuse to get together.  The week turned out very favorably, as he was able to visit with both boys and have an enjoyable time at a jazz festival.  Oh, and one unexpected event occurred.

He was given an opportunity to visit the ex-wife.  The one whose decision it was to embark upon what many would call an "unconventional way of life".  She drank to excess, entertained many men, and lived the life of a real party girl.  My brother took an opposite road....One much more spiritual and "earthy"...Yes, I guess you could say he was a card-carrying hippie.

When he and his son knocked on the door, it took a few minutes for the door to be answered.  Then she appeared....Much older and MUCH more frail than he had ever imagined she could be.  You see, my ex-sister-in-law is in the terminal stages of emphysema.  She doesn't have much longer to live.

He sat down and they chatted for about an hour and a half.  He finally remarked that he never thought he'd see the day that they could sit that long in the same room without having an argument.  Her reply?  "Well, I guess we all have to grow up sometime".

I loved my brother's first wife.  I was about 8 years old when they  married.  She spent a lot of time in her early marriage babysitting me.  She was a great craftswoman and could make something out of almost ANYTHING.  She made the BEST hamburger sandwiches I have ever eaten.  She was beautiful and feared no one.  She was my first idol.

And now she's leaving us.  And although she became very obnoxious and cruel as years went by, she was still my Karen.  As irritated and angry I've become with her, I've always loved her and always will.  And although he spent many years just wanting to kill her, I've always suspected that my brother felt the same.  She was his first true love, after all.

So now we come to a point where it's time to say goodbye.  She is a part of the past that has always been a thorn in our side, but our past nontheless.  The thought of having to tell her goodbye forever is very sad to me.  It must be even more so for my brother.  We are both learning a new and much more permanent form of goodbye - a final goodbye.

1.  My mother had a "corroded" artery and they had to go in and clean it out.

2.  "In an effort to miss the vehicle, I nearly had to swerve right into the media".

3.  (An opinion on the death of a prominent local citizen):  "Well, I heard he ate some beef and died of a bad case of hibachilism"  (Poor guy must have been grillin')

4.  "I'm just the low man on the totin' pole".

5.  "I'll tell you, as soon as I resumed taking the full milligrams of my subscription, my hormones and endoprins kicked right in".

6.  (A 3 yr old talking into a non-working telephone):  Hello?  Yes,  no I'm in trouble.  There will be no fun today!"

7.  "It's your lucky day!  You are having chicken foodochini".

8.  (My grandson to his grandpa, who at the time had a very prominent mustache):  "Why you got that eyebrow over you lip?"

 

1.  Kelly decided to watch a cockatiel for a check-out clerk at the local grocery.  Her name is Rosie.  Mind you, we have one cockatiel, Elvis, who I love dearly. But Rosie will let you hold her and pet her.  What a treat!  "Step up, Rosie," and onto your hand she climbs.  And then, up your arm to your shoulder.  Then back down to your upper arm.  At that point, you can ask her for kisses and she very happily obliges!  Then you can pet her on the back of her neck.  What an awesome bird!

2.  Carson has started a new class called "Stretch and Grow".  It's an exercise class of sorts.  Today was his first day.  The instructors were Mickey and Minnie Mouse.  What fun!!  Running under a parachute to find Mickey's ears;  choosing your favorite "Mickey exercise", then coming home and having goodies that are normally forbidden for dinner and finishing the day off with pie! Oh, to be 3 again!

3.  I got up late for work.  I normally travel 40 miles, one way, for work.  With gas prices what they are, we carpool.  I find that very restrictive, however.  This morning, I got up late and was afraid I was going to be late for the 'pool.  I stressed all morning, then decided to call Terry and tell her I would have to skip riding and drive myself.  Oh, the freedom of not having to be at the parking lot at an assigned time.  And the icing on the cake - I made it to work on time!

Here it is Sunday and I am in the house alone.  And I'm LOVING IT!!  I was supposed to go on a bike trip today with my brother and my husband and of course I wussed out at the last minute.  Why, you say?  Well, I am an arbitrator. I have a profession where I work with the public daily.  And 50% of the people you work with always end up hating you.  When the parties initially come to you, they are 100% pissed!  So weekends are a refuge for me.  Now, mind you, I love people, but when you are yelled at Monday through Friday, even though the anger is mis-directed, you become weary.  For two days a week, I just want to be alone - away from people.  Especially since I've been doing this for nearly 19 years, and will likely be doing it for at least 10 more.  I ditch social gatherings on the weekend and my friends and family fear I am becoming depressed.  Sometimes I fear it myself.  But what can I say?  I have to be strong for others 5 days per week.  Can I not take 2 days to gain strength for  myself?

Ten questions, asked 100 times, that have yet to be adequately answered:

1.  Why are gas prices so high?

2.  Why can't I adequately answer a 3 year old's question "Because why?"

3.  Why do children die?

4.  Why do people die before you are ready?

5.  Why do women get old and men become "distinguished"?

6.  Why does time pass so quickly?

7.  Why do my children live so far away?

8.  Why are babies babies for such a short time?

9.  Why do we love people that don't love us back?

10. Why does it rain when you least want it to?

You know, I've wanted to "blog" since I first heard the word.  I thought about it - all the life experiences I've had and how I could record them in a blog.  I found a private blog site, because Lord forbid someone read my thoughts!  I signed up, but never got the gumption to actually write.  Recently, I discovered that several of my old friends from high school were "blogging" on a regular basis.  I visited their sites and was totally captivated.  They all seem so carefully organized, with pictures accompanying each message.  Profound quotes sprinkled throughout the blogsite.  Pure inspiration.  "I can do that", I told myself.  "I've reached an age where I can put my thoughts on paper in an organized, entertaining manner".  And I WANT to do that!  I want to entertain my soon- to- be throngs of readers.  And so, I found this blogsite and signed up.    And I immediately realized that I may not, in fact, be ready to create a blog.  First thing, I'm asked to select a symbol that bests describes me.  Well, let's see...  Certainly not a picture of myself!!  No, let's pick something more anonymous to start....Let's see....Ocean waves breaking on a pristine shoreline?  Nooo, although I do dearly love the ocean.  An eagle soaring in a cloudless sky?  Too dramatic.  A child lovingly gazing into the camera, holding a daisy under her cherubic chin?  Cute, but not me.  Well, how about a cute little Pekinese dog?  YIKES!  I'm well into middle age, but I don't yet consider myself a DOG!!  Well, what, what, what identifies me?  And then - THERE IT IS!!  UN-ASSUMING...HONEST...IN YOUR FACE......AN OSTRICH!!  So that is now the representation of "who I am".  A damned old, obnoxious, beedy-eyed ostrich!!  I love it!!  It's "me".

How funny that in my quest to identify "who I am", I have learned that I am content and happy to be represented by a big, flightless bird.  I have an identity and am ready to move forward.  Now, what the HECK on earth shall I write about????

Today we will spend some time at the cemetary.  There are now more of my people beneath the mountain than there are living on it.  We will place bouquets at my mother and father's gravesites, and at my uncle Eddie's.  But we will visit many other loved ones and we will honor them, without a floral tribute.  My Grandpa Louie, my grandma Edna....My beloved grandma Hodges, grandpa Hodges, my uncle Virgil and uncle Clarence, both which I never met in life but look forward to meeting in the afterlife.  My great grandma Powers, remembering Grandpa Powers, although not knowing where he's buried....And all of the loved ones who have come before me who I know about but never met.  I love you all, and I will always remember you.  You are a part of who I am. 

Howdy!

This is my first entry.  I'm no Shakespeare, but I would like a place to share my thoughts, so here I am!  I don't know how often I might submit entries...I hope it's more often than I fear it will be.  But I hope to record some of my life experiences because I have had quite a life!  So, when I think of something profound or amusing, I'll be back to record it here.  Enjoy!